Blog - Page 19 of 22 - Green Tree Home Care

During my fourth pregnancy, I got the unhappy news I needed to go on bed rest. I reluctantly put my regular life on hold and vowed to leave the chores and daily tasks to someone else for a short while. This was not an easy promise to keep. I felt resistant to home care. I hated losing my solitude and independence and I wasn’t comfortable relying on someone else for basic needs. As a home care owner, I knew how to arrange care.

Learning to Receive Care

But, learning to receive care was a whole new beast. The lovely caregiver came to my home pressed and polished. Now, as the client, I saw this experience through new eyes. She stood ready and willing to do whatever I asked. She was friendly and helpful. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer person. But, nice didn’t do it for me. Generally, I am a naturally quiet person. I am efficient and prize self motivation in myself and others and I don’t like telling people what to do. I want them to give me ideas of things they are willing to do. For me, talking was not a necessary exercise. I like it very quiet. This is just who I am and this lovely lady was not the right for my personality. She did NOTHING wrong. But, when it comes to sharing your personal space with a caregiver personality fit is super important. She was placed with a different client and someone new was sent to me.

Finding Caregiver Success

This time I was very specific about the qualities I knew I wanted and I communicated those with the staffing team. They hit it out of the park with Lacey. Lacey arrived and introduced herself. I gave her some introductory directions and she set to work. She worked her way around the house and looked for opportunities to take work off my plate. She asked me before tackling big projects. But, with my quick approval she completed her chosen task with detail and speed. I loved her vibe and we became friendly. I looked forward to seeing her and she got to know what I liked and how I liked it. When the baby came and I was off bedrest, I felt a sense of loss that Lacey would not continue our routine. I had gotten used to the help and enjoyed the camaraderie.

I learned from the client perspective how important the personal connection is. And, how difficult it feels to adjust to a new person sharing personal space. If you or your loved one feel resistant to home care, here are a few tips that helped me adjust to receiving help.

Make a List of Tasks You Need Help With

Before anyone ever came to the house. My family and I sat down to prioritize what tasks we needed help with. My husband hates to cook but enjoys laundry. Our older daughters agreed to keep up with pet care. No one wanted to take on meal prep. So, cooking went to the top of the list. After our family pow wow we had a solid list of must have duties and a few nice to have tasks sprinkled in. But, more than the task list, talking together about the coming caregiver gave us time to emotionally adjust to receiving outside care support. Discussing how someone might help us made the situation seem more positive than scary.

If you are helping a loved one arrange home care, I recommend you meet with your loved one to discuss where the added help will be most effective. If your loved one is resistant to care the caregiver task list can end up a bit short. It is important to tease out places your loved one might accept help. Forcing people to accept care often creates conflict. So, list building and family discussions play an important role in early acceptance.

Clearly Communicate Your Care Needs to Your Chosen Home Care Agency

You know your loved one and what he or she needs. Make sure you share all care requirements. Sometimes family members are embarrassed by a loved one’s personal biases or desires. But, it helps create a smoother transition if a client isn’t immediately put on the defense.

Give Feedback

Caregivers can’t improve if you don’t communicate with them. Your chosen agency is the actual employer of your caregiver. Great agencies use your feedback to provide caregiver coaching. Sometimes creating client specific cleaning schedules or offering gentle feed back is all it takes to move a caregiver from good to great. Weather you offer coaching directly to your caregiver or share your feedback with the agency so they can encourage improvements you must get used to offering constructive criticism. I recommend you share concerns quickly before irritation becomes frustration. If your loved one is resistant to care asking her to accept a caregiver may feel frustrating. Make sure caregivers are properly trained before starting work with a resistant individual. Once a client moves from open to frustrated, it is harder for the caregiver to create a professional bond.

Be Patient

It takes time to adjust to change. Be prepared for your loved one to feel resistant to home care for some time. Even when the caregiver is a great fit, it can take weeks to get used to having a caregiver come in. This is especially true for people who have some level of cognitive impairment. They may need to spend many days with a caregiver before they feel comfortable with a new face.

Wrap Up

If you or your loved one feel resistant to home care, you are not alone. It takes time to feel comfortable with someone in you personal space. Preplan and make lists so you know exactly what you want a caregiver to help with. Usually the list evolves as client and caregiver become more comfortable with each other. Let your caregiver know how you feel he or she is doing whether it is good or bad. And, be patient with yourself, your loved one, and the caregiver. This is new for all of you and sometimes it takes time to settle into comfort!

Are you thinking about moving your parent in with you? Here are 5 cohabitation realities you may not have considered yet!

This post is in no way written to scare you or dissuade you from allowing your parents to move in with you.

There are simply serious points to consider as you take this very important decision.

Let’s dive in.

5 things to consider before moving your parent in

1-You have changed. So has your parent.

It is important to realized that since you moved out from your parent’s home in your late teens or early twenties, both you and your parent have changed.

Your personalities may have remained the same but perhaps they way you like to eat or the way you like to keep your home has changed drastically.

They are set in their ways. And you are set in yours.

This may cause some friction between you and them.

It is important to realize that personal conflicts will arise because of this.

2- The time/money investment

Moving your parent in with you is a time and money investment.

If you have to move your parents by yourself, you will have to take time off work, go over to their home, help them pack, get rid of stuff they don’t need and then finally load everything into a vehicle to move them.

You can spread the time you do this over a period of weeks or months.

There will be a time investment regardless of the approach you take.

Let’s also not forget that a time investment goes beyond moving day.

In the initial phases of moving your parent in, if they need home care and you have not engaged the services of a home care agency, you will have to take up that responsibility.

You will also have to plan to spend quality time with your aging parent.

When it comes to money, the financial investment involved in moving your parent in will show up in different forms:

Moving day will cost money
Any renovations and adjustments you have to make to your home will cost money
Your bills may increase with an additional family member living with you

If you’re deciding now to move your parent in, it is important to understand that your parent may not be able to work to help you pay the bills around the house.

Settling this thought within yourself will keep fights about money to a minimum.

3- Equip your home properly for your parent

This is especially important if your parent has health and/or mobility issues.

Your bathroom will need supports to help your parent take safe showers independently.

Walkways around your home will need to be well-lit to avoid falls.

You will need to upgrade Fire and carbon monoxide detectors.

For parents who have dementia or suffer with Alzheimer’s disease, you may have to make sure that their bedroom is set up in a safe way so they don’t hurt themselves in an unfamiliar environment.

For more on how to equip your home safely for senior adults, please read this post.

4- Unresolved conflicts may flare up

Having to care for your parent you have had conflicts with in the past may be unavoidable.

Living in close proximity with them could cause unresolved personal conflicts to flare up.

In this case, it is important to remember a few things.

You have a personal moral code. This code dictates how you treat people whether you like them or not. You employ this code when you have to work with people everyday who rub you the wrong way. Use this code with your parent.
Discuss and enforce boundaries. Most of our conflicts come down to the fact that we have not set boundaries for the people we interact with. When boundaries are clear and the rules are set, trespassing is kept to a minimum.
Clear up the confusion and forgive them…even if the forgiveness only comes from your end. It is always better to be the bigger person and as Elsa sings in the movie Frozen “Let it go”.

5- Making a decision to move your parent may not be a singular decision

Unless you are a single person, making the decision to move your parent into your home is not a singular decision.

You will have to discuss the decision with your spouse and children and get them on board.

Neglecting to do so can be another cause of conflicts in your home.

Closing Thoughts

Moving your parent in with you is a noble thing.

In your case, it may be the best decision for you and your parent.

However, like any important in life, it is important to consider all angles of it before you make a decision.

Did you find this post helpful?

Leave us a comment below or share it with someone else who will find it useful.

I have the honor of sharing a home with my father. In fact, I share a home with my husband, two teen girls, two cats, two pigs, two milk cows, 20 something chickens, and my father. We have a busy life. And, inviting my dad to join our world added chaos and joy. There were a few moments of rockiness, but all-in-all our blended, busy family is humming along nicely. We learned lessons along the way. And, I have many years of experince helping adult children living with an ageing parent. These lessons come from my own experience and the experiences of hundreds of other successful family caregivers.

Make Sure the Buyin is There

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is creating lots of plans before getting their ageing loved one involved. I completely understand the appeal of reaching out to providers, compiling information, talking with siblings, visiting with contractors, and fully formulating a plan before presenting it to your loved one. Here is the problem – unless your loved one is unable to make decisions – the planning activity is part of the acceptance process. In an effort to ease the decision making process for your loved one, you want to present all the options in a clear well thought out way. But, you take the control out of the hands of your loved one and skip straight to check yes or no. Where is the courtship? Living with an ageing parent is often a matter of necessity, but that doesn’t mean it should feel plug and play to your loved one.

Family Buyin

The second biggest buyin block I see is with siblings. You know your loved one needs much more care than she is currently getting. She has firmly said she doesn’t want to move to an assisted living community. It only makes sense to move her in with you! Well, maybe your siblings have other ideas. Even if your siblings can’t possibly care for your mom the way you can, your siblings may still insist on implementing their own care ideas. While not every family has a long history of open communication, working together to create a move-in plan often saves drama and hurt feelings later. Try to get siblings and other important family members into the conversation early. One great way to create buyin is to assign every member a job. For instance, since you plan to host your loved one in your home, maybe a sibling who is out of the area can interview and locate a moving company to help. Or an out of area sibling can offer to manage bill pay and document signing. Work together to make living with an ageing parent easier for everyone!

Don’t Hide Important Information

Usually living with an ageing parent is the most cost effective, comprehensive option a family can choose. Make sure you have a very clear understanding of your loved ones financial situation and what if any financial contribution you expect. Consider this information a family topic so no one feels slighted or cheated. Make sure to discuss future plans that might affect the living situation of your loved one like a home sell. When you lay your cards on the table, fewer opportunities for miscommunication exist.

Take a Realistic Look at Your Set Up

You will need to look at the current and future needs of your loved one. While she may be able to get up stairs now, will she be able to handle them in 6 months or a year? What kinds of home modifications will you need to make to properly care for your loved one? Can you afford the emotional and physical output your loved one may require? Have you realistically considered how hard it is to care for someone 24 hours a day? You want to consider long term plans before you make important life changes. You can always relocate your loved one to an assisted living facility later. But, moving can be hard on senior adults, especially those with memory impairment.

Create a Plan of Care

As the owner of a home care agency, Green Tree Home Care I have seen the positive impact of great care planning. We always create a plan of care for every client. We do this to make sure support systems are in place, current and anticipated needs are met, and everyone is on the same page. When you are living with an ageing parent, it is import to write down all the care needs. If your loved one needs 24 hour care or cannot be left alone, you will want to include a plan for respite care. Often adult children living with an ageing parent will call us for care support while they work. Or, they will request a caregiver on the weekends so they can go out with friends and other family. The most successful family caregivers plan for personal time, and make it part of the plan of care. If your loved one has trouble walking, you may want to include a physical therapist or personal trainer into your care plan. You can also utilize services like meals on wheels, home visit doctors, and mobile dentists. Speak with medical professionals about what resources you might want to include.

Host Family Meetings

As the condition of your loved one changes you will want to keep family members in the loop. With your loved one’s permission, invite family members to weigh in on concerns and decisions on a regular basis. These meetings will give you a focused time to share your hands on experiences. Family meetings are great for assigning new jobs, planning for upcoming care needs, and asking for more help. I often notice family caregivers are like frogs in hot water. They will continue to provide care alone as the needs increase. They keep going until, nearly exhausted, they realize the world is boiling around them. Family meetings allow siblings outside the gradual day-to-day changes to offer support when you might not know you need it!

Wrap Up

When you are living with an ageing parent there are lots of responsibilities you assume. By getting everyone’s buyin, communicating honestly, assessing your setup, creating a care plan, and hosting family meetings you will create a collaborative environment for everyone!

You might expect a loved one with dementia to repeat herself or experience forgetfulness. But, sometimes people with dementia experience hallucinations. Hallucinations in elderly people may occur or become worse for a variety of different reasons. Hallucinations can feel jaring or scary to both you and your loved one. Learn why your loved one may experience hallucinations and how you can help manage those episodes.

Causes of Hallucinations in Elderly People

Hallucinations may occur for many reasons. People with dementia do sometimes experience hallucinations. Hallucinations may be intermittent and varied or might include a recurring theme. Charles Bonnet Syndrome causes visual hallucinations in elderly patients who have experienced vision loss or impairment. Medications sometimes have side effects that include hallucinations. If your loved one’s hallucinations started at the same time as a new medication, you may want to reach out to her primary care for a consultation.

My grandfather experienced delirium related hallucinations after a major surgery and anesthesia. It took him a few weeks to completely return to his normal cognitive baseline. People with urinary tract infections can also show increased confusion and may experience hallucinations.

Certain illnesses that affect the brain like cancer or illnesses that affect the kidney or liver have been shown to cause hallucinations.

Acknowledge that Hallucinations May Cause Uncomfortable Feelings

The first time my grandfather tried to pick my mother’s red fingernails thinking they were cherries, I felt my stomach fall. I had never seen this kind of dementia and couldn’t even process his behavior. I felt helpless! He continued to see and speak with people long gone, and pointed out shadows and shapes that he identified as people and objects that weren’t really there.

The hallucinations felt extremely real to him. No amount of reason could convince him my mother was not a cherry tree, or shadows were not puppies. The more we tried to convince him the angrier he got. I realized he was as scared as we were.

It is important to give yourself and your loved one space to feel unsettled and scared. These are normal responses. You will develop ways to cope with your loved one’s hallucinations. But, acknowledging and respecting emotional reactions helps you mourn and cope as you journey with your loved one.

How to Help a Loved One Cope with Hallucinations

Seek medical attention if your loved one experiences hallucinations for the first time. Once the cause of the hallucinations has been identified your doctor may be able to reduce or alleviate hallucinations altogether. If hallucinations persist you can help provide support by practicing the following:

Create and Stick to a Routine

Hallucinations are often a response to stress or confusion. It is important to create a reliable routine your loved one can count on. Routines help teather people with dementia and reduce anxiety. You may notice your loved one’s hallucinations increasing when normal routines get missed. This is a good indication you may need to pay special attention to managing and respecting routines.

Do Not Fight Against Hallucinations

Your instinct might lead you to reassure your loved one that her hallucinations aren’t real. But, the hallucinations feel real to her! You want to show empathy and support when a loved one has a hallucination. If the hallucination is not causing emotional stress, you may want to engage and ask questions. Traveling down memory lane, even if it involves conversations with a long gone parent, might bring comfort to your loved one.

Sometimes hallucinations cause stress and anxiety. In those cases, you may want to offer a solution for your loved one. I have seen caregivers successfully defuse a client’s fear by killing imaginary spiders with a shoe or putting an invisible dog outside. Practice empathy and creative problem solving!

Avoid Triggers

For some, hallucinations may arise when certain triggers are present. Triggers might include the mention of a dear loved one, certain locations, or tasks. What ever your loved one’s trigger. Once identified, try to avoid these situations if they bring on anxiety and confusion.

Practice Redirection

I once cared for a woman who insisted people in the room were staring at her in a mean way. We could be the only two present. But, she would insist that she couldn’t stand the mean stares. I could do nothing to take her mind off the angry crowd. One day during a particularly difficult hallucination I suddenly broke out into joyous chorus of “Oklahoma – where the wind comes sweeping down the plains”. In an instant she started tapping her knee and singing along – Eureeka! From that moment on, my repertoire of classic showtunes expanded and I could help her escape the angry stares of the crowd. I redirected her attention and focused her mind on a positive experience. Redirection looks different from person to person. Try different techniques to engage your loved one.

Wrap Up

Hallucinations in elderly people vary from person to person. If you provide care and support for a loved one experiencing hallucinations, you will need to exercise empathy and creativity. Try creating routines, going along with hallucinations, avoiding triggers, and redirecting emotionally negative hallucinations.

Caring for another person requires patience and consideration. You can use Great caregiver strategies to help manage difficult caregiving situations and improve your charges state. Caregiver strategies are not complicated. But, using some tricks from the pros will help you stand out and bring joy to your loved one or client.

Make a Plan Before Starting Care

Great caregivers know that bathing and transfers can be difficult for those they care for. They want to minimize stress and create an environment of comfort and support. A great way to make care tasks more enjoyable is to have all supplies set up and on hand. Showering is a great example of a task that requires planning. You instinctively prepare your own shower but you want to plan for the comfort of your charge:

Do you have towels ready

Is the room warmed and comfortable

Have you checked the water temperature to ensure it isn’t too hot

Do you have mild soaps and washcloths ready

Have you set out clothing, so you don’t have to leave your charge unattended in a towel

Do you have shower chairs, walkers, or wheelchairs handy and in reach.

Is the room safe for transfers and do you feel comfortable supporting you charge at the level she needs

As you can see from the above list there are lots of factors to consider when caring for another person’s personal needs. When you initiate a care task with someone who has compromised physical or cognitive function, you must consider how the task will affect her safety. You need to make a plan that engages your charge while still allowing you to accomplish the care task in a safe comfortable manner.

Dementia – Live in Their World

Dementia care requires a special touch! New caregivers sometimes try to repeatedly explain their rational reasoning to a person with dementia. It can escalate into a frustrating mess with the caregiver baffled and the person with dementia scared and anxious – not a good outcome! As a person providing care you must remember that dementia is a disease. It is not simply old age or “forgetfulness”. It is a medical condition that causes physical changes in the brain and interrupts normal processing. As a caregiver your job is not to remind that person of “reality”(unless that brings peace and comfort to your charge). You role is to keep your charge safe, carefor, and comfortable. As you continue your journey into caregiving, you will learn how to be an expert dementia caregiver.

I once met a woman who had significant memory loss. She would ask her daughter several times a day where her husband of 50 years was. Each time the daughter would reply, “Dad died last year mom, remember?” And, each time, the mother would break down into hysterical sobs that would last until she forgot the conversation. The daughter realized quickly that this pattern was causing intense stress for her mother. She began answering her mother’s question with, “Dad went to the store. He should be back soon.” With that, her mother would continue whatever task they were engaged in.

Redirecting a person with dementia takes the focus off emotionally stressful situations. It allows you to meet the needs of your charge. Trying to bring a person with dementia to your present creates frustration. Live in the world they have created for themselves as long as it doesn’t compromise their health and safety. Redirection is one of the pro caregiver strategies.

Communication is King

In-home caregiving usually takes place in a personal residence where only you and your charge or charges dwell. While the act of caregiving is very one-on-one there is usually a support network of family, friends, and professionals who have an interest in your charge. Your role is to make sure all care team members are aware of changes and on board with the care plan execution. Great communication channels include written notes in the home, company provided online portals, texts, calls, and email. The channels you use depend on the needs of your charge and the supporting care team.

On the flipside over communication of every minor incident may water down the urgency of important communications. Make sure to read the level of communication each authorized person wishes to receive. For instance, nurse case managers may want regular health updates while a financial power of attorney only wants the numbers. Make sure your communications are timely, appropriate, and important.

Use Great Body Mechanics

Proper lifting and support protects you and your charge. Youtube abounds with how to videos and professional organizations offer training and support for proper lifting. You can’t provide great care if your back is out. And, your transfers will not go smoothly if you are not using proper technique. Often people believe size matters when it comes to transfers and hands-on care. While it is a factor, I have seen petite 4’11” women gracefully transfer clients a man with poor technique could not easily move – technique matters.

Know Your Charges Nutritional Needs

Unintended weight loss and malnutrition is a problem in the elderly community. When you care for someone else, nutrition should be a big consideration. Plan for your charges nutritional health. Take note of foods that she favors and create a consistent well received menu. People with dementia sometimes experience changes in hunger awareness and processing. You will want to place foods in front of you charge rather than asking if she is hungry. I have seen clients with dementia decline food when offered then dig immediately dig into a plate of food placed in front of them. If it is your charge’s normal meal time, prepare food. You don’t want your charge to skip meals because she has forgotten she is hungry or embarrassed to put you out.

Wrap UP

Great caregiver strategies often come down to pre-planning. Know your charge and practice anticipating her needs. Your role is to provide care and engagement. You want to avoid stress and anxiety. So consider the needs of your charge and focus on providing consistent, considerate care.

There are many home care companies in the San Diego area. You need to pick one, but what should you look for? Not all licensed San Diego home care companies are equal. Owning and operating a home care company became a state licensed category a mere two years ago. Licensing requires all companies to carry insurance, ensure caregivers complete background checks, and act as the caregiver employer. All licensed San Diego home care organizations are expected to offer these basic services. But, this is where similarities end. Each company has a unique vibe. And, policies around hiring, customer service, and follow-up vary and mean distinctly different client experiences. Below are the questions you should ask any home care you are considering.

Are you a licensed San Diego home care company?

This may sound like a simple question but there are several different types of companies. Not all agencies currently offering services in San Diego county are licensed or in good standing. You can check the license status of a License San Diego home care company by checking the license status online. If the company is not current on licensing or has infractions, the site will show that information.

Some companies operate under a different model called a domestic referral agency. These organizations are not licensed home care agencies. There are a few key differences between a Licensed San Diego home care organizations and domestic referral agencies:

Insurance – Licensed companies carry workman’s comp and contribute to unemployment insurance. They also take out bonds. Domestic referral agencies do not provide insurance for in home caregivers.

Employment – Licensed San Diego home care agencies officially employ caregivers. This means licensed agencies manage all employment aspects. Domestic referral agencies simply facilitate the connection between caregiver and prospective client.

Ongoing Management – great licensed home care agencies offer ongoing client management and remain important in the continued relationship between caregiver and client. Domestic referral agencies cannot have continued contact with the caregiver after placement. They may answer client questions but do not offer continued client management.

Domestic referral agencies offer do-it-yourself solutions for home care. But, if you desire comprehensive legal, employment, and insurance protection, you want the support of a licensed San Diego home care organization.

You can find more resources and information about San Diego home care here.

What Ongoing Support Do You Offer?

You don’t want a set-it-and-forget-it home care organization. Not all agencies are created equal. Great agencies offer field support and training. The team at Green Tree Home Care has a dedicated field manager who does monthly or bimonthly quality visits. The benefit of a field manager is the global perspective. Because our field manager develops long term relationships with clients she can spot changes and offer support. This is especially important for family members who are not local. We have helped clients get new refrigerators, locate a dog groomer, and flag emerging urinary tract infections. Great licensed San Diego home care agencies are partners in the care landscape.

How Do You Find Your Caregivers and How Do You Know They are Good?

Essentially all home care organizations find caregivers from the same sources: online, schools, networks, and word-of-mouth. Great companies create and enforce systems that ensure the caregivers they hire are the best. Ask what qualities the company looks for in caregivers that join the team. The representative you speak with should have a clear idea of the values the company looks to attract. Some companies hire anyone who meets the minimum requirements and then see who sticks with the organization. Others – like Green Tree Home Care – believe in only bringing on people who have genuine compassion, experience, and dependability.

What Do You Charge For?

Most companies don’t charge for in home assessments. But a few may try to charge for the initial meeting. Most companies charge for mileage if the caregiver uses his or her own car.

Home care organizations observe wage and hour laws. They have to pay overtime for longer shifts. Some companies charge time and a half when the hours go over 8 or 9 while other don’t. Make sure you understand how the perspective company charges and how this might affect you now and in the future.

What Happens if I Need Help After Hours or Weekends?

Nothing is worse than sitting on call center hold on a Sunday morning when you need to quickly cancel a caregiving shift and take your loved one to urgent care. Some companies use call centers to handle after hours and weekend calls while others keep all call handling in house. Our team at Green Tree Home Care handles all phone calls in house. We believe it is important that someone who knows your loved one answer questions or support emergency situations no matter the time or day. Home care is pretty quiet until it isn’t. Great home care agencies realize accidents, emergencies, and changes can happen any time and want to provide support any time.

What Does Your Company Do to Retain Great Caregivers?

You want to make sure the company you choose has programs designed to keep caregivers happy and onboard. You don’t want your favorite caregiver jumping ship for better pay or opportunity because the company hawks the bottom line. Great companies are generous with PTO and flexibility. A very small handful – like Green Tree Home Care offer medical insurance for caregivers.

Wrap Up

You have choices when it comes to licensed San Diego home care companies. It is important to ask questions before you agree to services with any company. Make sure their operations are designed to care for you and your loved one above all else. Any company can do the minimums but you want to look for organizations that go the extra mile.

While you may have wanted June Cleaver to tuck you in at night, you didn’t get to pick your parents. For those who got the short end of the parental stick, caring for a family member you don’t like can feel like salt in a wound. Creating and executing a care plan for a family member is difficult and stressful. Add in years of mistreatment and neglect, and you have a hot bed of emotional stress.

I have had MANY conversations with adult children and relatives who suddenly find themselves unwilling caretakers. A guy friend of mine suffered severe abuse at the hands of a father he later cared for over 15 years. I asked him how he managed to put years of abuse aside to take care of his father after a massive stroke. Here were his words of wisdom.

Make Choices that Align with Your Personal Beliefs

You may not be able to pull from years of parental modeling of love and nurturing. But, as an adult you live a life of purpose and compassion. You may remember the old wounds and still have scars from mistreatment but you must act in a way that exemplifies your own moral code.

“I was angry at my father for the years of abuse and neglect. But, at the end of the day he was still a human that needed help and compassion. Sure, I was angry at the past. But, I could either follow in his footsteps and practice cruelty and hate. Or, I had the power to care and forgive. I chose to forgive, not for him, but for me”.

Most adult children who agree to care for a family member they don’t like find some peace in the situation. Not everyone chooses the path of caregiving. It is truly a personal decision that must feel right to the individual. Don’t feel pressured to accept a role you fundamentally do not want. Caring for a family member you don’t like requires a lot of emotional and physical work. You need to do what is right for your life.

Create Boundaries

Boundaries help keep the mission clear. If your role is to talk to medical professionals and manage funds, keep to the business. You may have signed up to help. But, that doesn’t mean you have to fall into old patterns – especially toxic ones. As an adult child, you are incontrol of how deep the relationship goes. Open communication with your family member and service providers helps create healthy expectations for the relationship.

Be honest about the extent of your involvement. If you feel uncomfortable spending lots of time with your family member, avoid taking on the direct care role. Remember, you do not HAVE to do anything. Your decision to get involved should be for your own reasons like setting the example for your children, or sharing human kindness.

Take Care of Yourself

It is important to maintain your health and mental wellbeing. You don’t want to burn out or lose focus and that can happen to any caregiver. It is especially important when you don’t want to care for a family member since burn out can come much faster.

Make sure you have emotional outlets you can connect with. You may want to secure the emotional support of a trusted friend. Or seek out the support of a social worker or therapist. While you may have made peace with the injuries of the past, renewal of intimacy and care may bring back old wounds.

Create a Support System

Caregiving is an important and sometimes intense role. Don’t feel like you have to handle every aspect of caring for your family member alone. There are professionals who can help with roles you prefer not to handle:

Fiduciaries – help with financial management and sometimes support clients by arranging medical resources.

Home Health and Hospice – these services are covered by medicare. Your loved one may receive regular visits from medical professionals. The visits are episodic but may give you needed respite and support.

Home Care Organizations – These organizations employ and manage caregivers. If you do not wish to provide daily care, you can find great caregivers to see to the needs of your family member.

Other Family Members – This resource is often overlooked. If you and your siblings share the same history, they may not share a willingness to care for a disliked family member, but might want to support you. By sharing your journey with other family members you may find support you didn’t know existed.

You can find out more about San Diego home care resources in this article:

San Diego Home Care – Everything You Need to Know

Wrap Up

When it comes to caring for a family member you don’t like, you set the rules. Don’t be afraid to honestly consider your motivations for providing care. Armed with that honest information you can set boundaries and create support systems that meet your emotional and life needs.

It seems we spend most of our adult life battling the bulge wishing for an easy way to lose weight. But, for some older adults, unintentional weight loss causes medical problems. According to the American Family Physician , 16-28 percent of people experiencing unintended weight loss present with no easily identifiable cause.

Elderly people lose weight for many reasons. Natural changes in the body cause reductions in bone and muscle mass. But, rapid weight loss often has a more dynamic underlying cause. Understanding how certain illnesses affect weight, eating, and nutrition will help you create a diet plan to help your loved one.

Cancer

According to the National Cancer Institute, advancing age is a very important risk factor for getting cancer. More than 40% of people reported unintended weight loss when diagnosed with cancer according to the American Society of Clinical Oncology. While cancer is by no means the only cause of unexplained weight loss there is a strong correlation between why elderly people lose weight and cancer. Cancer takes a bite out of physic for many reasons. Cancer cells may affect metabolism and impact the immune system.

Changes to the immune system or metabolism may affect the way food is processed and supplied to the body. People with cancer sometimes report nausea, vomiting, and loss of taste. This makes eating undesirable to some cancer patients which may contribute to unintended weight loss. Depending on the systems affected by cancer, constipation, nutrient absorption, swallowing, and mechanical breakdown of food may become compromised.

If your loved one receives a diagnosis of cancer there are things you can do to help with unintended weight loss:.

Increase the amount of food your loved one gets.

Avoid heavy foods especially before treatments.

Record the foods your loved one eats and record how she feels after eating. Foods that increase nausea should be avoided.

Work with a dietician or nutritionist to create a diet plan that prevents unintended weight loss and nausea.

Dementia

Dementia is the umbrella term for a constellation of illness that present with cognitive impairment including Alzheimer’s Disease. Changes in diet and weight are hallmark indications that mental processing may be affecting eating habits. Often, people who are experiencing mild cognitive impairment undergo subtle changes in diet. If you ask a loved one with mild cognitive impairment if she is hungry, she may say no. But, if you place a plate of yummy food infront of her she will dig right in. Sometimes people with dementia lose sensitivity to sensations of hunger and fatigue and must be cued to eat.

You can help your loved one stop unintended weight loss by giving food at appropriate meal times. Do not offer food. Your loved one may not recognize the need to eat. Take into consideration your loved one’s tastes and prepare to cater to them. People who experience cognitive change may also experience personality changes. Foods that were once adored might now be abhorred.

Change food presentation. Changes in food perception affect what your loved one perceives as appetizing. Big plates of food might look abundant but can cause anxiety in someone with dementia. Some studies have shown that color plates improve overall food intake over plain white plates – you can’t eat what you can’t see.

Model eating behaviors. Dementia often interferes with a person’s ability to complete simple processes. Busy tables make distinguishing food more difficult. And, the use of a fork might become more complicated than your loved one can manage. Consider offering finger foods. To learn more about dementia specific weight loss click here!

Medications

When elderly people lose weight it is important to check with their doctor to ensure medications are not contributing to unintended weight loss. Medications have a myriad of side effects. Some medications act as appetite suppressants or affect the body’s ability to process nutrients. Interactions between medications can also affect a person’s weight. Medication side effects may also include swelling and fatigue. While these symptoms do not directly affect nutritional processes they may adversely affect a person’s ability to prepare and shop for food.

Depression Loneliness and Pain

Depression may affect your loved one’s desire to engage in activity. People who experience depression often report a decrease in appetite. Elderly people lose weight unintentionally when they feel isolated. Your loved one may experience the loss of loved ones and independence. These emotional changes sometimes contribute to declines in food interest.

Pain impacts a person’s desire to engage in meals. If your loved one experiences pain, speak to her doctor about getting it under control. She may feel more interest in food if she doesn’t ache.

If you think your loved one’s weight loss stems from depression, loneliness, or pain, consider sharing mealtimes together daily. You can also hire a caregiver to prepare meals and offer companionship.

Wrap Up

Elderly People lose weight for a variety of reasons. You will need to be patient when encouraging more food intake. Underlying health, emotional, and cognitive issues make food consumption a lower priority or less efficient. Work with your loved one to find and create appetizing foods.

You have finally found a caregiver your mom loves and who seems to check all the boxes for experience and reliability. But, sometimes you feel there are little communication misses that tarnish the otherwise wonderful caregiver relationship.

You feel like your expectations are reasonable, and you can’t understand why little balls get dropped along the way. While the caregiver client relationship appears straightforward, each person’s needs vary. What seems like common sense to you might be completely wrong in another situation. There are unspoken rules between clients and caregivers. These rules are what allow you to set caregiver expectations but are you aware you may be breaking them?

Put it in Writing

No matter how small the task – put it in writing. In many home care organizations like ours, Green Tree Home Care, we create detailed care plans that outline every expected task. We then ask our Care Professionals to record there shift activity hour by hour every time they care for a client. They feel confident they understand the scope of care and we feel secure knowing all details are clear and we have appropriately set caregiver expectations.

That sounds like a lot of paperwork! It is – but when you write down the expectations and record what tasks are or aren’t accomplished you can easily address any discrepancies. You also have a legal record should you need to make a staffing change.

Avoid the Bait and Switch

You should create a scope of care plan BEFORE you hire a caregiver. Often people start the care conversation by saying: “I need someone to sit with my mom who has a little forgetfulness to make sure she gets breakfast and lunch.” Then, once care starts the duties start to pile on: wash the car-weed the roses-did I forget to mention mom has 7 cats-sometimes she bites when she gets upset.

Make sure you are very clear about what is required of the caregiver upfront. Caregivers may only specialize in one type of care. Companion caregivers may feel uncomfortable with transfers. Medical focused caregivers often avoid cases that require lots of cleaning support. The point – not every caregiver is comfortable with every kind of task. What you present as the scope of care in the beginning of the caregiving relationship should stay pretty consistent. If you need to make changes to the scope of care, have an open and honest conversation with your caregiver before making changes. If your caregiver is not comfortable with changing care responsibilities, you may need to find someone better suited to the new role. You can learn all about San Diego Home Care if you think you might need to make adjustments.

Professionalism Goes Both Ways

You have a lot on your plate managing your life and the care of your loved one. It is easy to get overwhelmed and caught up in all the moving pieces. It is important to remember that caregivers are people first who desire respect and support. Caregivers should not bring personal drama to work but it is YOUR responsibility to remember your loved one’s caregiver depends on you for employment and sustenance. Avoid changing the schedule often or canceling shifts. You want your caregiver to be reliable. They expect the same respect from you.

Communicate lateness if you are errand running with your loved one. You can’t always predict when the doctor runs behind or when the checkout line is backed up. But, leaving a caregiver to wonder when you and the client will arrive might cause frustration over time. If the caregiver arrives on time, but you do not, expect to compensate your caregiver beginning at the agreed upon start time. If your caregiver is a superstar she will appreciate your consideration and your ability to set caregiver expectations.

Don’t Be Stingy with the Praise

Caregivers don’t get into the business to make millions and live like the rich and famous. Most of them feel called to work with the elderly and disabled. Many caregivers supported a treasured loved one through illness, injury, and passing, and now want to support others in a time of need. Most people who receive care are on a fixed income and don’t have extra funds to share with caregivers. But, regular positive feedback and praise is sometimes all it takes to make your caregiver feel like a million bucks. Great caregivers don’t grow on trees. If you have someone you value, take the time to say so. A thank you card for a job well done, or an appreciation text after a difficult night makes a world of difference to your caregiver.

Wrap Up

Remember the caregiver/client relationship is founded on trust and excellent communication. As the leader of the care arrangement it is your role to set caregiver expectations. You can easily do this by making expectations very clear and in writing. Your awareness of the load you place on your caregiver and a willingness to plan for care together creates a partnership your caregiver will appreciate. Always act with kindness and integrity and you will attract like minded people.

Feet are the foundation for movement. When your loved one’s feet hurt it compromises many other activities. Foot care is super important to keep on top of. Feet are often neglected and get little attention till there is a raging issue. Elderly foot care is important to your loved one’s health.

Follow these foot care best practices for happy feet!

Take Time to Look at Feet

This may sound obvious but consider where feet spend most of their time: in socks or shoes, undercovers, or at the far end of your visual field. Rarely do you get close and personal with feet. As people age it becomes more and more difficult to reach toes and see changes in foot health. Your loved one may feel foot issues but conditions like neuropathy interfere with regular sensation processing. Neuropathy affects peripheral nerves and is more common in people with diabetes. It can cause numbness and weakness in feet making it hard to sense other emerging issues.

This is why it is important to give feet regular close inspection. But, what are you looking for? Common red flags in elderly foot care include:

Discoloration

Burning pain

Open sores

Noticable changes

If your loved one exhibits any of these signs, you may want to seek medical attention.

Work with a Podiatrist

Podiatrists work on feet and lower limbs. They specialize in preventing and diagnosing foot issues and are experts in elderly foot care. Podiatrists work to correct feet deformities and are skilled at keeping people mobile, relieving pain, and managing infections.

They often treat a range of conditions including:

Foot and toenail fungus

Calluses and corns

Bunions

Injuries

Open sores and blisters

Pain

Deformity

Podiatry care is covered by medicare. Most podiatrist see patients in medical offices but a few offer mobile services and will come directly to your loved one’s home. If your loved one has any foot concerns a podiatrist is a person to add to your team.

Practice Great Foot Hygiene

Prevention is key when it comes to good elderly foot care. Wash your loved one’s feet with mild soap and make sure to thoroughly dry them. Keep feet moisturized. Cracked dry skin may feel uncomfortable and might contribute to infections.

Keep your loved one’s toenails trimmed. Cut toenails straight across and do not round the corners. This helps keep toenails from growing into the sides of the toe causing ingrown toenails. Podiatrists help with toenail care and nail salons also often provide elderly foot care.

Encourage your loved one to keep feet elevated while at rest. Elevating feet supports good circulation. Be aware of other medical forces like diabetes. People who have diabetes are susceptible to gangrene if feet do not receive regular care.

Check to make sure shoes fit properly. As feet swell and change shoes may not fit the same. Poorly fitting shoes can cut off circulation and cramp toes. Cramped toes can lead to ingrown toenails and infection.

Wrap Up

Foot hygiene is an important part of personal care. Ensuring the foot health of your loved one means regularly checking feet for changes, redness, and swelling, open sores, and discomfort. Your attention to your loved one’s foot health helps prevent issues with mobility, infection, and illness.

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