Our feet carry us our entire lives.

On top of that, as we age, various health problems arise-diabetes, joint problems, heart issues-to name a few.

It is therefore no wonder that people develop problems with their feet in their old age.

As a family caregiver, one of the best things you can do for an elderly loved one is to help them get proper foot and nail care.

In today’s post, we will go over how you can provide excellent foot and nail care to your elderly loved one.

Let’s delve into it.

Foot and nail care for the elderly

Get to know your podiatrist

Podiatrists are trained medical professionals who diagnose and treat all kinds of foot illnesses. They can also take care of seemingly regular foot and nail problems like thickened nails that are hard to cut and bunions.

Your feet and nails can be an indicator of other health problems. A podiatrist may help catch the health issue before it becomes a problem.

My mom-in-law recently had a painful ingrown toenail while she was visiting us recently.

We had a podiatrist take a look at her foot and he was able to resolve the issue quickly.

So get familiar and friendly with your podiatrist and save yourself and your family from expensive problems later on.

Inspect feet daily

This way, you will notice any abnormalities in how your loved one’s feet look.

Wash and moisturize the feet daily

Keep dirt and nasty microbes away from your loved one’s feet by washing them each day.

For most people, the feet tend to dry up quickly. Thus it is also helpful to use a moisturizer after washing.

I especially love petroleum jelly for my feet because it keeps dryness away longer.

Keeping the feet moisturized will not only protect your loved one’s feet from dryness but will also keep blisters from forming.

After washing, keep the feet dry

Bacteria and fungi love to hide and grow in warm and damp areas of our bodies.

You don’t want these to become an issue as they are hard to treat!

(I know this to be true from personal experience as well.)

So after washing your loved one’s feet, use a towel to dry their feet completely.

Some people go ahead and use foot powders to keep the moisture away.

If a podiatrist approves, this can be another way to keep your loved one’s feet nice and dry.

A nail file to keep nails straight

A good way to prevent ingrown toenails is to make sure you’re cutting nails straight across.

Even if you use nail clippers to cut a majority of your loved one’s nails, it is always helpful to finish off with a nail file to keep the nails straight.

Wear proper-fitting shoes

Ill-fitting shoes only cause pain and can lead to problems with the bones and ligament in the feet.

Avoid them!

If your loved one needs orthotic shoes, a quick Google search in your area or calls using the Yellow Pages should yield a place where you can go and get your loved one fitted for the right shoes.

Diabetic foot care

If your elderly loved one has diabetes, they need special foot care.

The first step to taking care of a diabetics foot is to make sure their diabetes is under control.

This includes, checking blood sugar, regular exercise, healthy diet choices and visits to the doctor to make sure any prescribed medication is working.

In addition to the tips I shared above, it is also important that diabetics wear protective foot wear at all times.

For most diabetics, a small cut to the foot will go unhealed and could become an even bigger problem that can lead to infections and even amputation. Thus wearing shoes or socks, at the very least, is essential for a diabetic.

For more tips on diabetic foot care, check out this post.

Arthritis and foot care

If your loved one has arthritis, they will most likely be in a lot of pain all the time.

Their doctor will prescribe pain and anti-inflammatory medication to help reduce the symptoms of disease.

It’s important to stick to this regimen so your loved one can live a functional life as much as possible.

Following the general tips above for a loved one with arthritis will help them enjoy healthy feet as well.

Don’t go to nail salons you don’t trust

As much as nail salons can be a wonderful experience, for your loved one with an existing health condition such as diabetes, it is always important to be careful.

You can call ahead and let the nail salon know for instance that your loved one has a health condition that affects their feet and find out if they can accommodate that.

Otherwise, I recommend sticking to a podiatrist for foot care especially if there is an underlying health issue.

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There’s a lot of anxiety around getting a hospital bed at home.

For most, the first thought is “how much will a hospital bed cost us?”

You might even wonder if your loved one needs a hospital bed at all when they have a perfectly fine regular one.

These are all valid concerns.

However, it’s important to realize that for your particular situation, a hospital bed at home may be just the thing your loved one needs.

Here are some advantages you might want to consider when it comes to getting a hospital bed at home.

Ease of transfer

For your loved ones who are completely immobile, a hospital bed can be a great advantage.

What do I mean?

In order to prevent bed sores and to perform tasks like perineal care and bed baths, you will need to move your loved one.

In a traditional bed, this can be challenging especially since most beds are low. Because of the height of traditional beds, transferring and moving your loved one can put a lot of strain on your knees and back.

A hospital bed on the other hand has adjustable heights.

Thus, you can adjust the height to a safe level and move your loved one in a safe manner.

It is also easy to raise the head or raise the bottom of the bed depending on your loved one’s medical needs.

Hospital bed at home-Safety

Another advantage of getting a hospital bed is for safety purposes.

Most traditional beds don’t have railings on the side that prevent your loved one from falling.

Hospital beds on the other hand do.

Furthermore, just like you could raise the hospital bed when you’re moving your loved one, you can also lower these beds.

A bed that is lower to the ground will keep your loved one from getting severely hurt if they do fall.

Hospital bed mattresses are easier to clean

Hospital bed mattresses are typically easier to clean than a regular mattress.

Thus, if there’s a spill or accident where body fluids are spread on the bed, cleaning the mattress is easy.

You can move a hospital bed

Hospital beds usually have wheels.

If your loved one would like a change of scenery but would not like to get out of bed, this feature might come in handy.

Make it easier for hired caregivers

If you have agency caregivers who come in to take care of your loved one, take it from me when I say they will love you for getting your loved one a hospital bed.

It helps them do all of the above so your loved one is properly and safely cared for in their own home.

Paying for it

Cost is the biggest obstacle for most people when it comes to hospital beds.

Medicare Part B (medical insurance) will cover the cost of a hospital bed if a doctor prescribes that your loved one needs it at home.

You and/or your loved one would be responsible for paying 20% of the approved Medicare amount. After this, the Medicare deductible will kick in.

In order for this to happen, the doctor and the medical supplier will have to be enrolled in Medicare.

If your doctor and/or medical supplier is not enrolled with Medicare, the cost of the hospital bed will not be covered.

Thus, it’s important you make sure all these factors are aligned.

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What is a power of attorney?

And do you need one?

If you are elderly, or if you have an elderly loved one, you need a power of attorney.

In today’s post, we will go over what it is, how it comes in handy and how to create one.

Let’s get into it.

What is a power of attorney?

A power of attorney is a document that allows you to appoint a person or an organization to handle your affairs on your behalf should you become unavailable or unable to.

Some scenarios that would require you to have this document include:

Falling sick and becoming unconscious and so you’re no longer able to make your own decisions.
Traveling outside the country and then you have an important decision that needs to be taken on your behalf immediately.
You suffer a mental health condition that makes you incapable of such decisions. Examples include dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease.

And these are just three examples. Essentially, any situation that would make you unable to make your own decisions requires this legal document.

Why you need one

You need one because it is best if the decision taken concerning you, comes directly from you.

When you have this as a legal document, it will reduce uncertainty on what you want.

Many family feuds have come about as a result of having no appointed people to take crucial decisions.

Sometimes, these issues are followed up in court and costs everyone involved precious time and money.

How to create a power of attorney

Like I mentioned above, a power of attorney is a legal document.

Thus, it is in your best interest to consult with a lawyer when you decide to create one.

There are different types of the document.

For instance, you could have a general power of attorney. With this type, you give powers to an individual or organization to take decisions that include:

the sale of your property
managing your financial affairs
buying health insurance
employing professionals

A healthcare power of attorney, will be able to take medical decisions on your behalf. Such a person or organization can be included in your estate plan.

With a special power of attorney, you will afford the person you choose with the exact decision they are allowed to take for you. For instance, you might designate one of your children as the person who decides what happens to a piece of real estate while another one will be responsible for something else.

I highly recommend that you talk to a lawyer about this as well as creating a complete estate plan.

It comes down to trust

You should never let anyone force you into making them a power of attorney.

If you don’t trust the person or organization, you are not compelled to give them this responsibility.

And because you can do this with a lawyer at any point in time, you can do it privately before you ever disclose whom you’ve appointed.

Whichever way you choose to go, it is helpful to have a power of attorney for those seasons of life when you are unable to take crucial decisions that have lasting consequences.

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When it comes to home care services, people get confused very quickly.

In fact, it is common for people to confuse home care services with home health care services.

Yet, there are clear differences between the two.

Home health care services are provided by licensed healthcare professionals like nurses and physical therapist.

Thus by definition, home health services are medical in nature and would usually be on the order of a doctor.

Home care on the other hand is care that allows your elderly loved on to stay in their home instead of having to move into an elder care home.

So what kind of services can you expect from your home care agency? Here are over 20 of them (if you combine all ones under each headline below).

20 home care services you can expect from your agency

Light housekeeping

Home care professionals can help with:

Dusting
Vacuuming
Mopping
Laundry
Kitchen cleaning
Bathroom detail
Rearranging and organization

Transportation

Need to get to your doctor’s appointment? Your home care professional can get you there.

Meal preparation

Does your loved one love to eat home-made meals?

A home care professional can provide that service so they can have warm and healthy home-cooked meals everyday.

Companion care

Everybody needs somebody.

Home care professionals can double as companions too. They can be around for simple conversation or to escort you and/or your loved one on shopping trips.

Movies
Shopping
Exercise
Reading
Traveling

These are all services your home care professional can provide.

Care for bed-bound clients

Is your loved one bed-bound and unable to perform daily living activities themselves? Home care professionals can help here are help.

Transfer and mobility

We can help your loved one move from one part of the house to another.

Home care professionals are trained to use Hoyer Lifts and gait belts to help your loved one get around.

End of life/Hospice care

If your loved one has been discharged home on hospice care, this is something home care professionals can help out with too.

Personal care

A home care professional can help with:

Bathing
Dressing up
Skin care
Teeth and denture care
Hair care
Shaving
Perineal care
Changing briefs
Emptying a catheter

…and basically anything that is related to a person’s daily care.

Dementia/Alzheimer’s care

Adults who are otherwise healthy but have memory problems that are related to dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease will have trouble caring for themselves at home.

In such instances, a home care professional can help them live at home successfully.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Your local home care agency can provide with more services than you may realize.

Do you or your loved one need home care? Reach out to us for a consultation.

If you live in the Greater San Diego or Orange County areas, we are more than happy to serve you and your family.

Your job is in one city.

And your elderly loved one lives in another.

You want to be close to them so you can help them out but you are too far away.

What’s an adult child to do?

In today’s post, I will go over 5 things you can do to help your elderly parents from a distance.

How to help your elderly parents from a distance

Get help from a trusted source

Yes it these are your parents and I know this means you may have misgivings about having someone else help them.

However, if you work with caregivers and companions from companies like Green Tree Home Care, they will be in great hands.

To ease your concerns, make sure that the home care company you decide on has great ratings on places like Google and Yelp.

Read what people have to say-both good and bad.

There will always be the people who give a one star and are not happy about anything. So I recommend that you read one-star ratings with a grain of salt unless, a majority of the ratings can be found here.

Three and four-star reviews usually give you the best look at the company.

Look for a company that provides care transparency

At Green Tree Home Care we believe in care transparency.

We keep you up to date on how your loved one is doing using a secure website called Family Room.

Using Family Room, you can check schedules, see what your loved one has been up to during care sessions and even add any pertinent appointments to the schedule.

Using this technology, not only will you see exactly what kind of care your loved one is receiving. You will also be able to stay involved in their care.

Use technology to stay in touch daily

Yes, you cannot be there physically.

But video calling now makes it easier to “be” with your family even when you’re not around.

Tools like Zoom (available on Android, iPhone and desktop computers), Skype or Facetime (Apple devices) are excellent communication tools that will help you stay in touch and help your elderly parents from a distance.

Get friends and family involved

If you have friends and family who still live around your elderly parents, get them involved if it’s appropriate.

Friends and family who are not paid caregivers could:

check on your parents to make sure they have everything they need
check on them to make sure they are safe and alright
send them meals when they are not well
help with light house-keeping
transport them to appointments

Help your parents hire a fiduciary

When it comes to taking care of parents who live far away, the issue of money always comes up.

If your parents saved up and are currently living on their retirement but are not fully able to handle their own finances, you can enlist a fiduciary to help.

A fiduciary is mandated by the state to help other people handle their financial assets.

Fiduciaries can also help with bill payments and make sure your parent is not behind on their payments as long as they have the one.

So you want to hire a professional caregiver for your loved one?

But you are not sure what to expect? Or what to look out for?

In today’s post, I am going to outline nine things you can look out for when you are choosing a home care agency.

9 things to look out for when you’re choosing a home care agency

Company culture

In choosing a home care agency, it is important look at the culture of the agency.

There are a few ways you can do this.

Ask the staff. Do they have positive things to say about the agency? Do they say they are supported by their agency or do they feel alone working for the company? Staff who feel supported, are more likely to provide the best care.
Read Google and Yelp reviews. Yes, these can be biased sometimes and there have been instances where people pay others to give them good reviews. There are also those people who are never satisfied with anything and go around the internet leaving bad reviews everywhere. Thus, ignore those 5-star and one-star reviews and read the 4-star and 3-star ones. These usually give you better insight into what the company culture is like.

Does the agency seem organized?

When you call them, does somebody call you back as quickly as they say they will call you back?

When you submit paperwork, do they call asking you for the same paperwork over and over again although you have sent it over to them more than once?

Do they miss details you have already communicated to them?

An agency that is disorganized will exhibit these signs.

If they are disorganized, they could mix up schedules and you might have a day where no caregiver shows up at your loved one’s home.

If you see warning signs of disorganization from the beginning, heed them.

What standards does the agency use in hiring staff?

Does the agency perform background checks on people?

What training do caregivers receive before they are dispatched to go and provide care?

Is there on-going training for caregivers so they continually improve their craft of providing care?

These are important questions you can ask the agency and staff yourself.

Client/customer service

Are they polite on the phone or do they seem in a rush to hang up on you?

When you register a complaint, how quickly do they rectify or resolve the situation?

Field Oversight

Does the home care agency you’re planning to choose have managers come and observe caregivers in the field?

This is important.

Every job in the corporate world has managers who oversee workers to ensure that the highest quality of service is provided.

If the agency does not send out people to observe your caregiver and provide guidance where needed on how to improve caregiving, you should think twice about choosing them.

Do caregivers show up on time?

This is another place to check the quality of both the agency and the caregiver.

You have heard the phrase: time is money.

If you have to go to work and a caregiver is supposed to come and take your place but they are late, this could make you late.

Do caregivers genuinely care about your loved one?

This particular point ties back into company culture.

Yes, individual caregivers have different personalities but one thing that needs to be glaring is the fact that a caregiver genuinely cares about your loved one.

If a caregiver does not pay attention to the likes and dislikes of your loved one or leaves them in dirty underwear, for instance, when it is their responsibility, this is a serious red flag.

Do they respect individual needs, concerns and preferences?

One of the advantages of home care is the fact that it helps your loved one to continue to live in their beloved home while they receive all the help they need.

You and your loved one may have individual needs and concerns that you would like to be respected.

For instance, your loved one may be a stickler for making their bed every time they wake up.

It seems mundane but that is their preference. A good home care agency will train staff to respect the needs, concerns and preferences of your loved ones.

Transparency/Clear communication

An excellent home care agency is transparent and clear in their communication from the get-go.

If you cannot get that from an agency, they may not be the ones to choose.

At Green Tree Home Care, we are happy to say that we meet all these criteria. If you are in the midst of choosing a home care agency, we hope you will consider us.

If you live in the Greater San Diego or Orange County area and you need care for your loved one, we are more than happy to help with our 24/7 call service.

Give us a call today for a FREE consultation.

Is it time to find an in-home care company for your loved one? You are not alone. According to John Hopkins Medicine, about 12 million people in the United States require in-home assistance.

But, with over 33,000 home care providers, how do you pick the right one? You don’t want just anyone caring for your loved ones. You want caregivers who are compassionate, well-trained, and reliable.

Before hiring a company to provide in-home care, you must take time to research and ask questions.

15 Questions to Ask Your Home Care Company Before You Hire Them

Use this list for each company you’re considering and write down their answers. Then you can compare your options and select the best one.

1. How do you vet your employees?

In-home care companies should require complete background checks on their care providers. Talk to them about what this process looks like for them.

2. Does the company have a license?

It is important to make sure the home health agency is licensed in your state. This means they meet the requirements outlined in your area. Being licensed also means they are operating a legitimate company and aren’t just a scam.

3. Can I see a bio for caregivers?

You want to find a great fit for your loved one. Seeing a caregiver bio can help you make this decision. It’ll also show you caregiver credentials and experience.

4. What training do you provide your caregivers?

Some companies just offer an initial orientation and training session. Others provide on-going training opportunities to help their caregivers improve. Depending on what state you live in, there may be more intense training program required by law. Be sure to ask about your chosen agencies training protocols.

5. When can you start providing services?

What are the on-boarding requirements? Some require an in-home assessment, or a placement evaluation before beginning. Find out what is required, what the timeline is, and when a caregiver can begin.

6. What is the agency portion of the fee and how much does the caregiver receive?

You don’t want an underpaid caregiver. Find out how much of what you’re paying goes to the agency, and how much goes to the caregiver.

7. Do your providers work with long term care insurance providers?

Not all agencies have experience or systems designed to work well with long term care insurance providers. Pick a company that works with the insurance your loved one has.

8. What is your caregiver evaluation process?

Find out how the company evaluates their caregivers. What does that process entail? Are evaluators going to be accompanying the caregiver to your loved ones’ home?

9. Will my loved one have the same caregiver each time and if there is a change will that be communicated ahead of time?

You want your loved one to know who to expect. Will a caregiver (or two or three) be assigned? Will there be random providers showing up? You want to make sure your expectations for communication and reliable providers are in alignment with the practices of the home care agency you choose.

10. What do their services include?

What does your loved one need help with? Make sure those services are included in the cost. If they aren’t, can you add on additional services for a fee?

11. Do I need to submit claims to the insurance?

There’s a ton of paperwork involved in submitting care-giving claims to the long term care insurance company. Find out if that’s a task you need to undertake, or if the agency handles it for you.

12. What happens if the caregiver doesn’t show up?

Learn what policies are in place to ensure your loved one has a caregiver even in the event of sickness or a no-show.

13. How do your caregivers handle emergencies?

When you’re providing care for someone, there’s always the possibility of an emergency. Find out what training the company gives to caregivers to help them handle these situations appropriately.

14. What happens if a caregiver isn’t a good fit?

Most companies try to make a good match before placing a caregiver. But, it doesn’t always work out. What is the process if your loved one just doesn’t like one of the caregivers? Can you select a new one?

15. If I have concerns about the level of care, what do I do?

If you suspect something is going on, you need to know the process for reporting it. Find out how the agency handles non-compliance reports, and what their investigation entails.

These questions will help you make an informed decision about in-home care companies for your loved one.

At Green Tree Home Care, we are happy to answer any question you have about home care and your loved one.

Is your loved one showing signs that they need some in-home help? As people age, everyday tasks can become increasingly difficult. Things like personal hygiene, cooking, and running errands can present a challenge to many older adults.

But those who need help are often in denial about their needs. They don’t want to cause problems or make you worry about them. So, they downplay their struggles and pretend that everything is just fine.

Some may even get mad at you for bringing up the topic of an in-home caregiver. Even when they know they need help.

Here are 7 signs your loved one needs in-home care.

7 signs your loved one needs in-home care

This means you will play an important role in determining when help is needed. You need to keep tabs on the situation and watch for red flags. To help you, here are seven warning signs that your loved one may be ready for additional assistance.

1. Increasingly forgetful

Does your loved one repeatedly tell you the same story, with no recollection of early accounts? Are they having trouble remembering which medications they’re taking, or when they took them? Have they missed doctor appointments simply because they forgot they had them scheduled? Are bills piling up, because your loved one forgot to pay them?

Each of these is a sign that some additional help may be needed. Forgetfulness can lead to problems like untreated illnesses, house fires, and financial woes.

2. Changes in cleanliness

Is your loved one looking a little disheveled lately? Are they having trouble getting clean in the shower, or shaving? Is it too difficult for them to change their clothes regularly or keep them laundered?

These changes in personal hygiene can be an indicator that it’s time for some in-home help.

3. Bare Cupboards

Don’t let your loved one turn into Old Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard and discovered them bare. If you notice lots of empty shelves, or lots of expired food in your loved one’s kitchen, this may mean getting to the grocery store is becoming increasingly difficult.

They may also be forgetting to shop, cook, and even eat. This can lead to weight loss and poor nutrition. Always take time to check out the status of your loved one’s kitchen when you’re visiting.

4. Change in personality

Changes in personality are another sign that it’s time for some help. Look for:

Signs of depression
Extreme mood swings
Loneliness
Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
A desire to isolate oneself
Anything that strikes you as out of character or odd for your loved one

These personality differences can be a sign that it’s time for some extra help and company.

5. The condition of the house changes

If your loved one used to keep a reasonably neat house, and it’s now in disarray, something is going on. The physical tasks required to keep a home and yard clean can be too much for many aging seniors. They may not have the energy to mow the lawn as often as before, or to keep the house picked up.

6. Lack of Balance

Have you noticed your loved one stumbling more than usual, or struggling to change between sitting and standing? This could be a sign that their balance is changing. Falls and other injuries can result from this lack of balance.

7. Weight changes

Has your loved one started losing weight? Or are they packing on some extra pounds? Unexplained weight changes can indicate a problem.

Weight loss may mean your loved one isn’t taking time to eat. Or that they are eating a lot less at each meal.

Gaining weight can be a sign that your loved one isn’t as active in the day. Or that they are eating much higher calorie convenience food, so they don’t have to actually cook.

Either way, weight changes are another sign that your loved one is ready for some in-home care.

Do you know someone who is wondering if it’s time to arrange for care for their loved one? Share this article with you so they can keep their eyes out for these seven signs that indicate it’s time.

When your loved one is bedridden due to illness, ongoing disability, or age, care-taking becomes more challenging. Without proper care, many complications can develop, including deep vein thrombosis, bedsores, pneumonia, and dehydration.

While these risks are serious, many families have successfully cared for bedridden caregivers at home. But it’s a situation you don’t want to take on without fully understanding the weight of care that will fall on your shoulders.

Before agreeing to care for your bedridden loved one at home, it’s essential to speak to their doctors.

Learn exactly what specialized care your loved one will require. Have the nurses teach you as much as possible, so you are better prepared.

Taking care of your bedridden loved one

When your loved one is confined to bed here are some ways to provide the best care.

Create a space for your loved one

You will need a space in your home for your loved one and all of their equipment. You will need an accessible space, that’s not upstairs.

Think about your home, and brainstorm areas to use. Some families have an extra bedroom they use, while others partition off a portion of their living room with curtains to use.

Ideally this space will be close to a bathroom. This will be handy when dealing with bedpans or providing sponge baths.

Natural lights from windows can help emotionally. If this isn’t possible, ensure the area is well lit. Your loved one will appreciate the light and being able to see clearly makes care-taking tasks easier.

Ensure movement

Staying in bed is hard on the body. Muscles deteriorate from lack of use, joints stiffen, bedsores can develop, and constipation becomes likely.

To help alleviate some of these symptoms, your loved one will need assistance with movement. Speak to a physical therapist to see if there are any range of motion exercises your loved one can do. Learn how to properly turn your loved one to minimize bedsores.

Find backup

Bedridden patients need around the clock care. When they need to use the bathroom or soil a diaper, they need cleaned quickly so they don’t develop rashes or infections.

Providing this intense care is hard on caretakers, so it’s essential to have backup. You can utilize home care assistants to help. Some offer overnight care, which can allow you to sleep.

These services require their aids to undergo a background check, so you can feel confident leaving your loved one in their care.

If paid assistance isn’t in the budget, look for other ways to get a break. Are there other family members who could cover shifts? Do you have friends who are willing to help? Does your community offer any resources to cover these services?

Use the right bedding and undergarments

When your loved one is bedridden, it’s essential to keep their body dry. This means their bedding and clothing needs to be carefully selected for absorption.

Cotton clothing is a good choice, since it will absorb sweat and allow the skin to breathe. You want to select bedding that is soft, and breathable. You can buy absorbent pads to lay on top of sheets to help catch any urine leaks.

Obtain equipment

You will likely need equipment to provide adequate care. A hospital style bed allows you to elevate your loved one’s head and re-position them more easily. There is equipment to help with transitions, which can keep strain off your back.

Work with the doctors to seek insurance coverage on this durable medical equipment. The sooner you can begin using it, the easier your care-taking will be.

Do you know someone who is caring for a bedridden loved one? Please share this article with them.

The doctors have given you the news – your loved one is terminal and they recommend hospice care.

This is difficult news no matter who you are.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is emotionally devastating.

In fact, an adverse event like the death of a loved one can be the trigger event for depression and anxiety.

And especially so, when you don’t give yourself the right mental and emotional care.

In this post, I will be sharing pointers on how you can prepare yourself emotionally when you find out your loved one will need hospice care.

Grief is a process

It is important to understand that grief is a process.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is a famous Swiss-American psychiatrist who studied death and grief. In her famous book On Death and Dying, Kubler Ross described five steps in the grieving process.

Denial – At the very beginning of the grieving process, it is normal for people to be in denial of what has happened or what is about to happen. During this stage the world makes no sense. Everything looks meaningless. People are in shock. People cannot believe this is happening to them.
Anger – Anger is the next stage of grieving. Anger during grief is a very natural reaction. Don’t get upset at yourself or feel you are losing control. You might be angry at yourself for not noticing your loved one was sick earlier. Your anger might be that you did not get to spend enough time with them as you had hoped. You might begin to feel anger towards other people – family members, doctors and even hospice caregivers. Anger is a common part of grief. It is important to remember this and recognize this in oneself.
Bargaining – During this step, you might want to do anything just to save the life of your loved one. This is where you will hear people say things like “I wish I could die in her place” or “Oh God if you let my husband live, I will never have an argument with him ever again” or “if only I had more time with them, I would tell them how much I love them”.
Depression – During this stage, it begins to dawn on people that their loved one really is dying and that there is not much they can do about it. This is where deep sadness about the loss sets in. It is normal to cry, feel helpless, experience sleeplessness and a loss of appetite during this stage. It is important not to suppress any feelings of sadness you feel at this stage. Crying over a loss or potential loss is a normal response. Allow it to happen. Seek professional counseling if you feel you need it.
Acceptance – When you accept that the loss is real and happening, it does not mean that you are “okay” with the fact that your loved one is dying. This step is also a natural state in the grieving process. Acceptance is simply coming to terms with the reality that the loss will be permanent. Most people don’t enter this stage until months after their loved one’s death.

Like I mentioned before, grief is a process. Not everyone will go through the steps in a linear order. But everyone will go through the emotions that come with each stage. Sometimes you will be in denial and be angry at the same time. And it is possible that you experience anger while you are feeling deep sadness.

Whatever the case is for you, my point here is that you will have to recognize that each of these stages is necessary in helping you grieve properly.

What else can you do during this time?

During hospice care, there is an opportunity for you to get respite from care-giving if you are a primary caregiver. Respite gives caregivers a break from their hard work. Take advantage of it. Use this time to practice self-care.
Talk to a mental health counselor if you need to.
Journal what you are feeling at this time. Research has shown that people who journal their thoughts and feelings about traumatic events are more aware of their emotions and thus have better control.
Create as many great memories as you can with your loved one during this time.
Exercise at least three times per week. Exercise releases a group of chemicals in our brains known as endorphins. Endorphins interact with our brain cells to give us an overall sense of well-being.
It might be time to patch up family wounds so that these don’t exacerbate your grief.
Create boundaries by saying no. This applies in everyday life too but is especially important when you are grieving.
Most caregivers feel they need to be “strong” for everyone else. There is strength in showing emotion too.
Join grief support groups in your community.

Closing Thoughts

Finding out your loved one has to be in hospice care is an emotional tough spot.

In this post, I’ve shared with you what you can do to prepare yourself emotionally when you find out your loved one needs hospice care.

If you found this post useful, please consider sharing it with someone else who needs it.

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